The Interview

Now that I have applied for the job, they called me for an interview. I will explore the types of clothing I need to wear, how to establish rapport with my interviewer, anticipate the types of questions he/she will ask, and deliver appropriate follow up questions. I want to avoid the common mistakes and above all I do not want to show my nervousness. I will explore some techniques to help me.

What should I wear? The first impression is critical. What you wear and how you look really do matter. I want to look powerful and in control, but not more than the person who is conducting the interview. The first step to try to determine what I will wear will be to research the type of company it is and what is their dress code. There’s a big difference in the dress of those that work in a tool and die company as opposed to IBM. Although most companies have changed to business casual attire for daily wear, being in an interview mandates looking your best. A navy blue or grey suit is always a good choice.

“Effective employment interviewing involves preparation and practice. You must acquire knowledge about yourself, about the job, and the employer in which you are interested”. (Shockley-Zalabak, 2009) Remember that they are looking to learn more about you. Be specific with your answers to personal questions. They are looking to see if you are the right fit for their job.

First impressions are important. You want the interviewer to have a personal connection with you. “Look directly and solidly into the interviewer’s eyes and give them your best smile. Make it warm and friendly”. (College.Grad 2009) If they return the smile you have made the connection. This will also ease some of the tension that you may be feeling at this point. If not, how do you control your nervousness?

Above all being prepared and confident in yourself and knowing that you have the skills they are looking for should help you overcome some of your nervousness. Nervousness stems from the fear of the unknown. We want to do our best and impress the interviewer. We want them to like us. One simple technique is the “Rowboat Technique”. “The Rowboat Technique is a simple contraction of the abdomen in combination with rhythmic breathing that allows you to fully overcome your nervousness in any situation. To understand how to use this technique, sit forward in a chair, arms outstretched, as if you are grabbing oars in a rowboat. Take a deep breath, then slowly pull back your arms and contract the abdominal muscle just below the rib cage. As you continue to let out air, roll the contraction of the muscle downward, just above your pelvic region, centering on your navel. Keep your muscles tight until all of the air has been expelled. Count to three (don’t breathe in yet!), then inhale deeply. Repeat this simple process two or three times and you will find that your body is completely relaxed.” (College.Grad 2009)

Now it’s time for the questions. In interviews I have conducted and have participated in I wanted to know what the resume didn’t tell me. People can write anything on a piece of paper but I’m interested in who they are and if they will fit well into our company.

Some typical questions asked are: Tell me about yourself? What are your biggest strengths that will make you successful in this position, and how have they contributed to your past success? What are some areas you seek self-improvement? Why should you be selected for this position? These kinds of questions let me know what kind of person they are and how they will handle challenges. They may also ask questions about how you will resolve conflict and something that will tell them you are a team player. Working well with others is critical. We spend the majority of our time at our jobs and we need to get along with the people we work with.

So now the interviewer offers you the opportunity to ask questions about the job. This is your opportunity to find out if the job is right for you. Ask them about the position, who will you be working for. Do not inquire about salary. It is inappropriate at this point. After you have been offered the job you can discuss salary. You may want to have written your questions out in advance so you are sure to ask them.

What should you avoid doing in an interview? “Not accurately answering the question. Going off on too many tangents or not directly answering a question can make a job candidate appear to be avoiding an issue or give the impression that they do not listen.” (Derammelaer 2006) Turn a negative into a positive. For example when asked a question about “what are your weaknesses” turn those weakness into strengths and turn that question into a positive attribute about yourself.

When the interview is over it’s your last chance to really sell yourself. Thank the interviewer for the opportunity for the job. Let him/her know that you look forward to hearing from them soon. Smile, shake hands and leave.


References

The Personal Connection Technique. (2009).retrieved Aug 20, 2009 from website:
http://www.collegegrad.com/jobsearch/Mastering-the-Interview/

Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009. Fundamentals of organizational communication:
knowledge, sensitivity, skills, values (7th ed.). Boston: Pearson. Education Inc.

Ten common interview mistakes to avoid. (2006. retrieved August 20, 2009, from
Associated Content website:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/23645/ten_common_interview_mistakestoavoid.html

Persuasion, Manipulation and Seduction

Persuasion is an art form use to persuade an audience to change their perception or views of a topic or situation. I call it an art form because not all people can achieve the ability to move a person’s attitude or belief from their current values or situation to what you want them to believe. It is a very difficult skill that one must learn in order to be able to achieve this level of success. But why do it at all? Tough question.

In today’s environment there are so many different communication tools available to people. There are also so many different audiences to tap. During the presidential election campaign they are targeting the voting audience. All those registered voters in the United States of America. They want to get their specific message across to the American people so that they will get elected. How do you do that? You must persuade your audience why you are better than the other guy. What makes you different and why? Why is what you are telling us in the media going to last longer than the vote itself? What is it that you value or need that will make you believe this guy as opposed to his opponent?

“Create a Need. One method of persuasion involves creating a need for an appealing a previously exiting need. This type of persuasion appeals to a person’s fundamental needs for shelter, love, self esteem and self-actualization.” Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009). In the last election there were so many needs. Health Care, the plummeting housing market, and the fact that a Black President would be earth shattering. Not to mention he was well educated and well spoken and looked good. These factors help enable a person to persuade their target audience that they are the right person for the job.

Manipulation, on the other hand is a sad but often used form of communication. I believe it is for those people who are so connected to their families that they can not break away for any reason. No amount of persuasive information will help these people. In some cases this leads to abusive relationships. In this paper I will keep the information a little lighter. According to (yes-to-me.com/2008 Dodging the may forms of psychological manipulation) there are several types of manipulation.

1. Pointing our potential problems – pointing out failure stories they heard somewhere. Sounds realistic, practical and uninspiring. It will point out only the negative aspects of a situation.
2. Direct put-down as a joke – They say something very unnice and when you are feelings are hurt they treat you as naïve. 
3. Count the Blessings you already have – Twisted logic. This I find particularly offensive. When I lost my first son at 7 ½ weeks old people used to try to easy my pain by saying I could have another child. What they didn’t understand is that no person how big or small can ever be replaced. 
4. What is the point? From these people’s perspective the glass is always half empty.

How does one cope with manipulation? I don’t think you can. Your best line of defense is to recognize it is happening and then make your own choice to follow it or not. In my case I chose to ignore it. People don’t always understand want they are saying. In those other cases where they are defiantly trying to manipulate the situation you can try to use your persuasive techniques on them or shut them down. Shutting down the situation can also have sever negative impacts. Especially with family members. The family unit is strong, loyal and won’t tolerate differences in opinions. The family hierarchy limits the views of what the members are allowed to express. If you want to express your own opinions in a family dynamic like this you run the risk of being cut off from the rest of the family. This is a very difficult thing to do.

The art of seductive persuasion. Sex sells and we all know it. People are all attracted to those qualities that we want to posses. For me it’s my teenage body. Yep, never going to happen!! I am truly hopeful that science will find a way! I get sucked into all the diets and beautiful clothes and hair, make-up styles that are advertised. Honestly, they really aren’t all that bad. Making the audience want to feel better about themselves is a good thing. How they go about persuading their audience is another. Those of us with “open eyes” know the reality of what the advertisement has to offer. It doesn’t always work. The flip side of that are those that believe everything you tell them. The creams that you massage into your leg that gets rid of cellulite. Sorry ladies, some of it’s genetic and the rest is age and physical activity. Nothing beautiful comes without some serious discomfort.

The target her are those that believe that the “magic pill” will work and work for them. They will then achieve the perfect man/woman or body or whatever they desire.

According to the ““Three-Types-of-Seduction-Techniques””, the Charm/Flattery/Technique is the most effective way to get a girl.” I believe this goes both ways. A person will flatter and compliment a person from the beginning to offer to take them places and spend a lot of money on them in hopes they will return their favors. As the author states “I believe this is the weakest and least effective seduction techniques that a person can try on another person”. I have to agree, but I have seen it in action on the weak, desperate and yes, I’ll say it, the drunk. Oh my gosh. Bars are a unique venue. Does the work “Cougar” come to mind? I actually didn’t know what that was until my husband told me about it. I’m a little out of touch. Now that I know, watching the shows on cable are pretty entertaining.

One of my friends recently sent me a YouTube clip where a guy was trying to pick up a girl in a bar. She gave him her phone number and he kept calling her and calling her stating what a great catch he was. This was the “Alpha Male” syndrome. His messages to her answering machine were unbelievable. Either she call him at once or he would drop her. Hello, she already dropped him.

Victoria Secret is a perfect example of seduction. They want women to feel good about themselves. Jenny Craig and NutriSystems also promote the seduction of having a great body and making one feel very good about them. The message is that if you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your relationship and want to do more fun things. You’ll meet new people and generally have a very happy life.

There are so many ways to communicate with the outside world now. The media has exploded with information. How we chose to use it and interpret it is up to us. We can get completely sucked in by the external message as they want us to or we can choose to research the topic more and make a more informed decision. For me I prefer the persuasion method. Delivering the true message and having educated people make an informed decision is priceless. I have delivered a successful message that is good for my audience.


References

http://psychology.about.com/od/socialpsychology/a/persuasiontech.htm

Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009). Fundamentals of organizational communication:
http://yes-to-me.com/2008/04/25/dodging-the-many-forms-of-psychological-manipulation/

http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Types-of-Seduction-Techniques&id=237220

Humor and Persuasion

How effective is humor in persuasion? In this paper I will explore why humor is a very effective form of persuasion. If over done it won’t work.


In my every day presentations they often include humor as a relief, an attention grabber and a segue. This keeps the audience engaged and entertained. According to Enzine Articles , “Humor disarms an audience, making them more likely to open up to you. Once your prospects feel comfortable with you, they will be more in tune to your message and more likely to remain attentive”. Presentations are more likely to be listened to when the audience is drawn to the topic through humor. Cartoons seem to be very effective. It creates an atmosphere with the audience that things aren’t as serious as the topic suggests. It creates a break from the intense seriousness of the topic. It give the audience a little laughter and they can relate to the speaker as one of them. “When you leverage the element of humor, any message coming from you receives more weight than on that comes from someone who has not created the audience rapport you have achieved. All People’s minds wander from time t time. Humor not only reels them back in but it also reenergizes their soul”.

People expect to be entertained when they are being addressed. They want the message to be given to them in a form that they can understand. Humor draws the audience in to the speaker and makes them more creditable. Once the audience believes in what the speaker is telling them they can be persuaded to the side the message is giving them. The speaker is more believable and likable when humor is applied.

Cartoons are an effective form of humor. Far Side cartoons, Dilbert cartoons and other well known cartoons. They lift a very boring topic to something fun and worth listening. Even after lunch.

The speaker has to grab his audience in order to get their attention and to persuade them to his/her way of thinking. If the cartoon is a little off color the audience will not like you as a speaker and the message you are attempting to send will be lost.

• Humor during your Presentation.
• Eases Emotional Pain
• Creates a Positive Environment
• Generates Interest in what you are saying
• Helps your listeners sense your goodwill
• Increases Participation
• Make difficult topics more accessible
• Bring needed entertainment
• Strike an emotional chord

Humor will help you do the following with your audience..

•  Ease their tension
• Put them in a good mood
• Disarm them
• Maintain their attention
• Enhance their receptivity

Humor will help you:

• Increase your likeability
• Establish rapport
• Increase people’s trust in you
• Enhance our image
• Strengthen your relationships
• Boost your own confidence” (Increasing Persuasion with Humor 11-08-2009)

There are in some cases where humor would not be appropriate. A case where there was a loss of life would be an example. Funeral homes would not find the use of humor to be something that they would want to use to encourage people to use their services. Humor in this case would lead the target audience to believe that they weren’t sensitive to their needs. There is nothing funny about the death of a loved one. Serving in the armed forces would be another instance where the use of humor would not be appropriate. Leaving your home and family behind is a very stressful situation and there is a chance that returning alive and just as you left your home is slim. This would be no joking matter. Using humor in these situations would turn an audience off and your message would not be well received. It could have the exact opposite effect. The audience that say your message would in turn talk to their friends and associates and relay that message and therefore have a larger negative impact than what was initially planned.

Using the Bait and Switch in a funeral home situation would be very effective but highly unethical. Luring the grieving family in and pitching your products under the guise that you are there to help them while knowing you are going to charge them more at their weakest moment is horrible. You would not use humor in any aspect of this situation when applying this technique.

Another technique would be the foot in the door. You have the most vulnerable of people at your door looking for help and compassion. This is a prime area to sell this person more than what they were wanting because that’s what their loved one would have wanted. Unfortunately when my father passed away the funeral home we were dealing with tried this technique with us. They had the unfortunate experience of dealing with one of my brothers with the least amount of patience who immediately told them his rights and how they would be reported to the proper authorities in this matter. The person was fired the next week.

Humor in the proper situation is a welcome relief and can be an added tool to make the speakers credibility more valuable. It has a proper place and time to be used. In very serious situations the use of humor to persuade an audience must be evaluated and used in a very limited situation. If use incorrectly, it can backfire on the speaker and they would not want to have any dealings with this person or their company.


References

http://www.jstor.org/pss/2786391

http://ezinearticles.com/?Increasing-Persuasion-with-Humor&id=259310

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11506049

http://ezinearticles.com/?Thats-Funny---The-Use-of-Humor-in-Persuasion&id=1222182

Smoking is Bad

What does it take to get the message through to everyone that smoking is bad? Public service commercials, medical reports, black lungs from cadavers, and watching people die from smoking does not seem to be enough to get people to stop smoking. The undisputed fact is that smoke from cigarettes is poisonous. So poisonous laws must be passed to protect the victims from the people who could not be bothered to care about their own gratification. Laws must be passed to protect those of us who do not smoke from those that do through second hand smoke. This is not to say that once the big tobacco companies real you in that you become addicted because you do, my mom did. So much so that when my dad had is first heart attack at the age of 35 he quit immediately; however, my mom continued to smoke.

My mother began to smoke at the age of 9 years old. Back then cigarettes were sold to everyone no the matter age. Most people begin smoking very young because they wanted to appear “cool”. To fit in. Watch any of the old movies with such well known stars as Humphrey Bogart, James Dean and Cary Grant and they all smoked. There was no information provided to the public, no medical studies to let the public to let them know that smoking was harmful to your health and addictive. Every morning and every night my mom could be found in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She said that it relaxed her.

Tobacco can be consumed by smoking, chewing tobacco and snuffing. By smoking tobacco in the form of cigarettes it not only enters the lungs of the person who is smoking the cigarette but when the exhale they release the harmful toxins into the air to be inhaled by anyone within the local radius.

Nicotine is the addictive drug contained in tobacco products. Nicotine triggers chemical reactions which are associated with reward and pleasure. (Tobacco wikipedia. 2009) Over time the body becomes used to the use of nicotine making it very difficult to quit smoking. Companies have developed nicotine patches to be worn on the body, chewing gum and even hypnosis to help their employees to quit smoking. Some of the symptoms are:

• Urge to smoke
• Depressed mood
• Insomnia
• Irritability, frustration, or anger
• Anxiety
• Difficulty concentrating
• Restlessness
• Decreased heart rate
• Increased appetite or weight gain

Secondhand smoke is deadly too. It is the smoke that is released from the smoker either from the cigarette itself or from the mouth of the smoker who is exhaling the smoke. For those of us who do not smoke, being exposed to the environment that the smoker creates exposes us to toxins that we do not want to be exposed to. Cigarette smoke contains more than 4,000 chemical compounds. (surgeongeneral .gov.library 2009). The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has designated this by product as a “know human carcinogen. When secondhand smokers have been exposed to second hand smoke thy are exposed to the same cancer-causing chemicals that smokers inhale The Surgeon General has concluded that there is no risk-free level of exposure to secondhand smoke: even small amounts of second hand smoke exposure can be harmful to people’s health. A smoke-free environment is the only way to fully protect nonsmokers from the dangers of secondhand smoke. ”. (surgeongeneral .gov.library 2009).

Is there an economic impact on banning smoking from bars and restaurants? Big Tobacco would like you to think so. As of 2007 there are 13 Texas cities which have passed 100% smoke free ordinances in bars and restaurants. Companies such as L3 Communications have implemented a smoke free policy that bans employees from smoking within 25 feet of the building. (ABC news, 2007) Even in the Government offices you can not smoke in the offices. Those wishing to smoke must go to a designated smoking area. By making smoking more difficult to do I think that it gives the smoker more incentive to quit. It also equates to a cost savings by the employer. Every time a smoker leaves his or her desk is a loss of productivity. Studies have shown that there is a higher absenteeism rate among smokers. Health care costs are higher for those who smoke. There is also the perception that when a smoker leaves his desk to go and smoke several times a day they are not putting in the same amount of time to their job as a non-smoker.

According to various reports there has been no significant impact on those establishments that have implemented smoke free environments. What is impacted is the sales of tobacco products. This from a once secret document from Phillip Morris, “Financial impact of smoking bans will be tremendous- three to five fewer cigarettes per day per smoker will reduce annual manufacturer Profits a billion dollars plus per year. “ “A smoker’s Alliance: draft” Phillip Morris internal document, July 1, 1993.” (ANR 2009)

Smokers argue that they have a right to smoke. I would agree with their argument. What I do not agree with is when what they do affects other people’s rights. I have never smoked in my life so it is very difficult for me to understand the smoking addiction. I don’t know what it was exactly when we were growing up watching both of my parents smoke but for some reason none of us ever picked up the habit. Quite the opposite, we all became vigorously opposed to it. We didn’t date anyone who smoked and we urged those of our friends who did smoke to quit. To this day I only have one friend who smokes. I respect her right to smoke and she respects my right not to breathe it in.

I find that most smokers tend to go outside when they smoke. They don’t want the smell in their houses, in their cars or in their clothing. I find it curious that they avoid the smell of it but will put it directly into their lungs. Smokers while knowing the toxic effects justify their smoking by saying that they enjoy watching the smoke, or it is an opportunity to talk to other smokers and establish friendships. None of these reasons can supersede the fact that smoking is bad for you.

The good news is that smoking is on the decline. This can be attributed to a couple of reasons. The taxes on cigarettes makes them hard to afford. Companies are requiring that their employees or future employees do not smoke and educating the public about the health hazards of smoking. Big tobacco is no longer allowed to target children and there is now an age requirement on the ability to purchase cigarettes.

Smoking is a choice at the beginning. We need to talk to our children about the risks of smoking before it becomes an addiction. We as parents need to educate our children about the health hazards of smoking before they become addicted. My daughter, unfortunately, watched her grandmother slowly suffocate from emphysema. Seeing the effects that smoking had on her grandmother taught her that smoking will kill you. She has never picked up a cigarette nor has the rest of my nieces and nephews. It was a very difficult thing for them to endure as this is debilitating disease is very slow and took many years before it claimed her life. If this paper can prevent one person from smoking then I have succeeded to hopefully save a life.


References

American for nonsmokers’ rights (2006 retrieved August 2009) http://no-
smoke.org/document.php?ud=219

Wikipedia, Tobacco (retrieved August 2009) http://enwikipedia.org/wiki/Tobacco
Office of the Surgeon General (retrieved August 2009)

http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/secondhandsmoke/

Huang, Philip, MD, MPH (2007). The economic impact of smoke-free Ordinances in
Texas Bar and Restaurant Revenue (retrieved August 2009) Volume 6, issue 4.

Communication: A Self-Assessment

Communication is and evolutionary process that begins at birth and continues throughout our lives. I remember my dad always saying, “Say what you mean.” Yeah right, what he really meant was “say what I want to hear.” In this discussion I will explore and assess my own communication skills through my experience in interpersonal, group and organizational environments. Interpersonal Communication is “reserved for two-person, face-to-face interaction.” (Interpersonal Communications, Sarah Trentholm p 141). As in all communication I do believe that it is governed by a set of rules”; however, I somewhat disagree that they are “Cultural-level rules” as cited by Gerald Miller and Mark Steinberg (Allyn & Bacon p 142). I have been around a number of different cultures and based on the knowledge I have gained, I find that I use the same communication techniques to all cultures. (I am excluding religious groups because I don’t view them as a culture.) I really didn’t see where interpersonal communication was culture based. I treat all people equally. I do adjust the intimacy of the conversation based on the person and my relationship with them. I discussed this technique in my third written assignment, Relationship Development. Depending on how well I know a person will depend on how much I will involve myself in the conversation. If I don’t know them well I will participate but I won’t become emotionally involved. Once I “size the person up” I will become more open and forthcoming with information or disconnect completely. Unfortunately, I tend to make this determination rather quickly. I watch and evaluate a person’s use of words, body language and what they are saying to make this


Determination. In most situations “communication is intentional” (Allyn &Bacon p 21). I have never really determined if that is strength or a weakness because I haven’t had any reason to change my methods. I like to think that how I treat another person is how they would treat me. I feel very comfortable talking freely to my friends, family, work friends and people I am close to. These relationships were developed over many years and in some cases under difficult circumstances. The death of loved ones, marriages and the loss of jobs are examples of these trying times. These experiences have reinforced a very close bond with those close to me. When engaging in dyadic conversations my language skills are informal, sporadic and friendly. I am relatively unguarded with my questions and am willing to hear what people have to say without judgment. I will avoid conflict and resist subjects I know are volatile and sensitive. I am a sensitive person myself and believe in the saying, “do unto others as they would do unto you.” When engaged in conversation I am usually very attentive to the conversation. I enjoy talking and listening to people I care about. When I develop a close relationship with a person I want them to trust me. I take the good with the bad and try not to judge them. I’m a very loyal and outgoing person and it’s easy for me to make lasting relationships. I truly enjoy people and their diversity. I am considered fun to be around and will easily join into a conversation. I also learn from people. I hope that I have matured enough to learn from those mistakes others have made and not repeat them.

Over my life I have been a member of a number of groups. I have always tried not to let the group define who I am as a person. I choose to be a member of a group because some of the morals and values closely resemble mine. There is significant value to perform as a team. By working together to achieve a goal the team becomes successful. All members of a group bring something of value to achieve the goal. It reminds me of the movie with Tom Hanks, “Apollo 13” where once they discovered there was a problem with the oxygen the astronauts alerted mission control and a team was assembled both in Houston and on the craft to come up with a solution. If it wasn’t for the ideas of the entire group working together the astronauts would not have never made it home alive. In the groups I have been involved with we were taught to use “Tuckman’s Five-Stage Model. Forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning” (Ally and Bacon, Tuckman’s Five Stage model p. 192) are critical steps for any group to begin their analysis as a team. I frequently had a group facilitator guiding the group through these five stages to achieve a final product. This process works for the formation of new teams but once a group has been together for a while it adds no value to go through each of these steps. Once roles are assigned we begin to brainstorm the problem and go through the steps above. In some of these group assignments I would find myself taking a natural leadership role. Sometimes it was because I watch the team floundering and I would become frustrated and step up and take over or sometimes it was because I have the knowledge and experience to add value as the leader. I possess natural leadership abilities and have been urged to pursue this career path. My supervisors have seen my leadership potential and have begun placing me in more structured leadership roles and classes to further my job opportunities and to continue to grow both professionally and personally. I am considered, fun, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, and energetic. I am very territorial in my personal life. I am typically an easy going person but can become defensive if the situation calls for it. In my participation as a group member I am territorial. Once I am a member of a group I tend to develop a bond with the members. It is that bond I value. I will not hesitate to voice my concerns and protect my group. Sometimes I am too quick to react to a threat and need to take a more fact finding approach. Completing my communication degree will enable me to obtain those needed skills.

My reaction to encroachment on my small personal space depends upon the person and if I like them or not. I like intimacy with people I know. It shows a bonding and companionship that leads to a more developed group. If I don’t know someone and they enter my personal space, my non-verbal signs go shooting out. I will turn my body to deflect any frontal approach. If they get too close, I’ll back up. If I’m with another person I will move around the other person to give myself some space. Hopefully that will be enough to signal they need to be less intrusive on my space. Crowding me also makes me defensive. I’m not as easy to talk to and become guarded.

I truly love being with my family. The bonds that we share are very strong. This was instilled through my parents. My mother lost her parents when she was very young and all her brothers and sisters were sent to some not so nice people. My father was the oldest of four brothers and a sister. His father was killed when he was nine years old. He became the man of the family. Family bonds were very important to both of my parents who wanted to make sure that we all always took care and protected each other. I think that was one of the most important values they passed on to us. As with all kids, my siblings and I fought most of the time, especially with my sister . After a fight if we didn’t make up my parents would put us in a room until we did. To this day when I have arguments with my siblings we always make up. We have learned that we are always going to have differences in opinions and will never agree on everything but we always make up.

After the death of both of my parents, it was my middle brother who became the leader of the clan. My mother always looked to him and my younger sister for assistance after my father passed away, so to me it was a natural progression in the family hierarchy. My older brother and I had moved to other states so we weren’t able to be there all the time for my mom like my brother and sister who had remained it the area. Once my mom died it was assumed by my aunts and uncles that my oldest brother would become the patriarch of the family. This was not the case. There was no real struggle for dominance for this role as my older brother and I knew that my middle brother had naturally become the family patriarch. To this day, my siblings are very close and we all talk about everything. We all visit and vacation with each other and our kids are very close. With today’s technology, it’s very easy to stay in touch with each other. Our bond is stronger than ever just as my parents had planned for us.

Professionally, I am a Contracting Officer for the Department of Defense. My job is to negotiate contracts, schedules and resolve any issues that come up with the government’s acquisition process. I use all the technology available to communicate to my managers, associates and contractors. I write proposals, conduct meetings and develop presentations to various audiences. I participate in staff meetings where we discuss issues involving the organization and provide input to problems and their resolution. As in any organization there those managers that have been at their position for nearly forty years and set in their ways. One of my greatest challenges in dealing with these people is persuading them to incorporate new ideas and changes into the organization. I need to develop techniques that will help me persuade these individuals to accept change as a “good thing”. As sited in Be an Effective Leader, “persuasive leaders will use their personal influence, not coercive means, to help motivate employees.” (2009 p. 14) This is one of the most difficult parts of my job. I’m a self starter and need very little direction. I have a strong desire to be successful in my personal life and my professional life. I am finishing my degree which will allow me to grow in the organization. I am not a person that can stay happy without being challenged.

Through my examination of my own communication skills through my experience in interpersonal, group and organizational environments, I found that I have numerous strengths that allow me to become an accomplished communicator in each of these areas. I have also found through the composition of this paper I have several areas which I need to further develop my skills. One specifically is in the art of persuasion and will use this opportunity to become more successful in my personal and professional life.



References

Sarah Trentholm (2008) Thinking Through Communication an Introduction to the Study
of Human Communication. Boston: Allyn and Bacon

Miller, Gerald R., & Steinberg, Mark. (1975). Between people: A new analysis of
interpersonal communication. Chicago; Science Research Associates.

Allyn and Bacon (2007). Thinking through communication an introduction to the study
of human communication. Boston: Pearson Custom Publishing

Donald Patterson (2009) Be an Effective Leader. Retrieved 15 June, 2009 from
http://proquest.umi.com/

Win-Win Negotiations

In the past with every negotiation conducted there was a winner and a loser. In this discussion the win-win negotiation process, styles and benefits will be identified and discussed for the corporate and parenting environments. In today’s world it is important that negotiation goals are set and achieved for all parties. Negotiators can no longer operate with only considering their personal self interests. Negotiations have evolved to include the interests of both parties and thereby promoting a cooperative, long-term working relationship.

The information contained in this discussion was obtained through scholarly sources, web site information and interviews from current negotiators/parents.


“Negotiation is the process in which two or more parties attempt to settle disputes, reach agreements about courses of action, and bargain for an individual or collective advantage.” (Cameron, Wilcox, Reber and Shin.2008, p 186) The process can become long and sometimes hostile therefore a professional negotiator is recommended. “By agreeing to negotiate, people are agreeing (1) to engage in a conflict by confronting others rather than avoiding it and (2) to try to find an outcome that is mutually acceptable to all those involved in the conflict by exploring various options in the conflict.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007, p 117)
Negotiators are specially trained professionals who can act on behalf of their companies or on behalf of themselves. To be a good negotiator the following skills would be useful.
• Good Communication skills “In a survey of 480 companies and public organizations by the National Association of Colleges and Employers, the ability to communicate ranked first among personal qualities of college graduates sought by employers. (Roebuck, 2006, p. 8-9)

• Be flexible

• Know and understand your beliefs and values so you can acknowledge those differences in your opponent

• Try to determine if your opponent’s past history has a part in this negotiation and try to persuade him to stay in the present and be able to see the future.

• Be able to recognize when it’s time to break and regroup to consider your options

• Know what you want

• Seek win-win negotiations

There are several ways to begin a successful win-win negotiation. “One view of negotiation involves three basic elements: process, behavior and substance. The process refers to how the parties negotiate: the context of the negotiations, the parties to the negotiations, the tactics used by the parties, and the sequence and stages in which all of these play out. Behavior refers to the relationships among these parties, the communication between them and the styles they adopt. The substance refers to what the parties negotiate over: the agenda, the issues (positions and – more helpfully – interests), the options and the agreement(s) reached at the end.

Another view of negotiation comprises 4 elements: strategy, process and tools, and tactics. Strategy comprises the top-level goals – typically including relationship and the final outcome. Processes and tools include the steps that will be followed and the roles taken in both preparing for and negotiating with the other parties. Tactics include more detailed statements and actions and responses to others’ statements and actions. Some add to this persuasion and influence, asserting that these have become integral to modern day negotiation success, and so should not be omitted ” (Negotiation Wikipedia. 2010)

In preparation for any negotiation develop a checklist to make sure you cover your position. The following is a recommended checklist.

1. Know what you want and what you don’t want. Write down in detail what you want and don’t want from the negotiation. Make it focused and precise.

2. Know what your opponent wants and doesn’t want. This can be a difficult step but knowing your opponent’s goals and objectives will help you understand their position.

3. Know what concessions you are willing to give. What are your must haves? What can you live without? This is the point of a successful win-win negotiation.

4. Know your alternatives if there are any. Can you go somewhere else and get what you want or is it sole source?

5. Know your subject. Research is key to knowing what it is that you are negotiating. Anticipate questions that your opponent can use in order to weaken your position.

6. Rehearse. Body language and confidence in a face-to-face negotiation are critical to your desired out come. You only have one chance to make a first impression.

Win-Win negotiations are when both parties get what they want from a negotiation. This applies to business or at home. It’s when each party looks out solely for their own interests that there is conflict. One happy party and one dissatisfied party. In both the corporate and parenting world negotiations with a company or family member will ultimately require future negotiations. If there are hard feelings from past negotiations it will have a direct impact on the outcome next time. Some of the benefits of a win-win negotiation are:

• Both sides have their goals met

• There is no reason to have hostile negotiations if each team’s objective is to help each other reach their goal

• No need for confrontations

• Collaboration leads to good long term relationships

As a parent win-win negotiations are not always possible but should be the first and primary negotiation objective. A good example of a successful parenting negotiation was a commercial running on television with a mother and her two sons. They were fighting over a sandwich. Mom said, “ok Timmy (who appeared to be the oldest) you cut the sandwich in half.” Timmy was thrilled because it appeared as if he was going to be successful in getting the better half. So Timmy cut the sandwich in half. There was a big side and a small side. Then mom looked at her son Johnny and said “Johnny, you may choose the half you want.” This lesson demonstrated that a child has one view of things and that’s to win. As children get older they learn the importance of thinking of others. But until this lesson is learned parent through win-win negotiation will influence their future decisions. Communication is very important between a parent and child especially when they don’t see eye to eye.

My husband and I have taught my daughter Meghan, the importance of win-win negotiations. However; she should always remember there are some decisions that we are going to make that are not negotiable. So now when she comes to us wanting something she knows that we aren’t going to want to do: she begins her presentation by telling us the situation and why she should be able to do it. She also identifies the benefit we will receive if we allow her to do it. This can be a pretty amusing negotiation when the benefit to us is really her benefit. What is important is that she is demonstrating to us that she is mature enough to develop a well-defined position and present it to us. I appreciate her more for trying to work with us so that we all win.
Some parents will negotiate with their children in order for them to work hard in school and get good grades. In these situations the children win by receiving money or some other sort of reward and the parent wins because their child receives a good grade. Parents also use this technique when leaving their child with a baby sitter or when their child doesn’t want them to leave for a night out. The parent will say, “if you’re good I’ll bring you home a toy” and the child is thrilled and will comply with the request to be good. Although these are win-win negotiations with small children the reward method (in my opinion) sends out the wrong message. Getting good grades in school and good behavior are to be expected but when this can’t be accomplished then win-win negotiations are a must. This will avoid the screaming matches and the stress both parent and child will feel in a win-lose negotiation.

In my line of work we frequently negotiate cost proposals, delivery extensions and engineering change proposals. Cost proposals are when the government solicits companies to do specific work. Normally, we define this work with a Statement of Work (SOW). We then asked a company to provide us a proposal of how much this effort will cost and when they can accomplish the work. Once this proposal is received the government negotiators will analyze it using experts in the accounting field, pricing field and engineering field. Once the government’s research is completed they develop what is called a pre-negotiation position. A time and date for negotiations are set and each side, contractor and government, will decide how to proceed with negotiations. If it’s something big or complicated then face-to-face negotiations are required. Each team brings their experts together in a room to work out the details of cost and delivery. In some cases there is only one contractor who can make this product that we want to buy so the likely hood of an alternate source has been eliminated. This is called sole source negotiations. In this case win-win negotiations work the best. Each side begins by identifying where their biggest differences are and work down to the smallest issue until they come to a win-win agreement.

Negotiation tactics have evolved to those resulting in compromise. I believe it should always be the primary goal of both parties to enable negotiations to be successful. This type of negotiation is called Cooperative negotiation. “Cooperative Negotiation works best when the parties trust each other and the situation is one where mutually satisfactory outcomes are possible even though the parties may not know that at the outset.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007 p 119)

As seen below I interviewed three of my colleagues who have years of contract negotiation experience and are all parents to see if they use the same or similar techniques in their professional life and their family life. All agreed that the communication skills that they use at work when negotiating with contractors are the same they use on their family members except tweaked a little depending on the situation. In this interview it was unanimous that all parents want the best for their kids. I believe that to be the same in the business environment as well. No one gets enjoyment by deliberately causing conflict in any environment. All interviewed believe that to have a successful negotiation it should be win-win.
Table 1-Interview Results

In conclusion, in today’s environment there is no benefit to continue the archaic business practice of winner and loser in a negotiation. Win-Win negotiations enable the parties to have a mutual respect for each other and will continue to have a long lasting working relationship. This also applies to parents. Full and open communication enables parents and children to talk to one another about important issues that concern both of them. Sometimes their objective is the same but their goals on how they get there are different. It’s those times that both parties must listen and be flexible in their priorities and negotiate their goals. Negotiations are something we do every single day of our lives and we don’t even realize it. It can be as minor as deciding on where to go to lunch and as big as a billion dollar project. We all must keep in mind what makes us good negotiators and remember that it’s not always about me.


Roebuck, D.B. (2006). Improving business communication skills (4th Ed.). Upper Saddle River,
New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Cameron, Wilcox, reber and Shin. (2008) Public Relations Today (1st ed.). Pearson Education,
Inc: Allyn and Bacon.

Lyndsay Swinton, Management for the rest of us. (retrieved May 2010)
http://www.mftrou.com/win-win-negotiation.html

Wikipedia, Negotiation. (retrieved May 2010) http://en.wikipedia.ort/wiki/Negotation

Ezine Articles. (retrieved May 2010)
http://ezinearticles.com/?Six-Steps-For-Negotiation-Preparation&id=413338

Cahn and Abigail. (2007) Managing Conflict through Communication. (3rd ed.) Pearson
Education Inc: Allyn and Bacon.

POWERPOINT LINK

Conflict Resolution

Situation:

Manny, my employee of 2 years has recently has recently experienced a slump in his performance. He has been with the company for two years and we are now receiving complaints about his job performance both internal and external. Manny is obviously unhappy as his behavior is also creating a hostile workplace environment.

In order to correct Manny’s behavior and improve his behavior I must address it. The following is how I as a manager would approach my employee and what techniques I would use. The “Six Steps to Successful Interpersonal Conflict Resolution” (Cahan and Abigail, 2007)

1. Preparation: Identify your problem/needs/issues

2. Tell the person “We need to talk.

3. Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about your problem.

4. Consider your partner’s point of view: Listen, empathize, and respond with understanding.

5. Resolve the problem: Make a mutually satisfying agreement.

6. Follow up on the solution: Set a time limit for reevaluation.

I would begin by gathering my facts on Manny’s performance and who has complained about him for what reason. If there are numerous complaints and I can categorize them I will. I would then determine what it was that was the root cause of the complaints. Was it that he was rude? Didn’t follow through with the initial issue? Did something else happen? I would gather my facts so that I had an accurate picture of what the problem was both internal and external.

Once I have gathered the facts I would ask for an independent party to participate in case the situation were to escalate. I would tell Manny that we need to talk because of the numerous complaints that I have received and give him a “heads up.” Hitting someone cold is not productive for either party. I would give them as much information as possible so he could come to the meeting prepared and try to keep him from becoming defensive from the outset.

I want to understand why Manny’s behavior has changed. I will ask him questions that will promote his open communication. Are there some external problems that are causing him to be agitated with his fellow workers and customers?

I would listen to what is the root cause of his problem. Once I understand what the problem is I will work with Manny to help him over his temporary crisis but I will not tolerate his abuse of co-workers and customers. For example if someone in his family has a terminal illness and he needed additional time to devote to them I would rearrange his workload to accommodate him until the crisis was over. Depending on what his response was I would reassign his workload so that he would have less contact or maybe does not want to comply I would put him on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) and tell him his behavior and attitude are unacceptable and if they are not changed for the better that he could face disciplinary action and possible termination.

I would identify what he needs to accomplish and specific dates and if his performance has not improved I would clearly communicate to him what my expectations are and what I expect of him. If his performance is not corrected the end result will be termination. Have him sign the agreement so that he acknowledges that you are working with him to prevent litigation.

Resource

Cahn & Abigail (2007) Managing Conflict Through Communication. (3rd ed.) Pearson Education Inc: Allyn and Bacon.