Communication: A Self-Assessment

Communication is and evolutionary process that begins at birth and continues throughout our lives. I remember my dad always saying, “Say what you mean.” Yeah right, what he really meant was “say what I want to hear.” In this discussion I will explore and assess my own communication skills through my experience in interpersonal, group and organizational environments. Interpersonal Communication is “reserved for two-person, face-to-face interaction.” (Interpersonal Communications, Sarah Trentholm p 141). As in all communication I do believe that it is governed by a set of rules”; however, I somewhat disagree that they are “Cultural-level rules” as cited by Gerald Miller and Mark Steinberg (Allyn & Bacon p 142). I have been around a number of different cultures and based on the knowledge I have gained, I find that I use the same communication techniques to all cultures. (I am excluding religious groups because I don’t view them as a culture.) I really didn’t see where interpersonal communication was culture based. I treat all people equally. I do adjust the intimacy of the conversation based on the person and my relationship with them. I discussed this technique in my third written assignment, Relationship Development. Depending on how well I know a person will depend on how much I will involve myself in the conversation. If I don’t know them well I will participate but I won’t become emotionally involved. Once I “size the person up” I will become more open and forthcoming with information or disconnect completely. Unfortunately, I tend to make this determination rather quickly. I watch and evaluate a person’s use of words, body language and what they are saying to make this


Determination. In most situations “communication is intentional” (Allyn &Bacon p 21). I have never really determined if that is strength or a weakness because I haven’t had any reason to change my methods. I like to think that how I treat another person is how they would treat me. I feel very comfortable talking freely to my friends, family, work friends and people I am close to. These relationships were developed over many years and in some cases under difficult circumstances. The death of loved ones, marriages and the loss of jobs are examples of these trying times. These experiences have reinforced a very close bond with those close to me. When engaging in dyadic conversations my language skills are informal, sporadic and friendly. I am relatively unguarded with my questions and am willing to hear what people have to say without judgment. I will avoid conflict and resist subjects I know are volatile and sensitive. I am a sensitive person myself and believe in the saying, “do unto others as they would do unto you.” When engaged in conversation I am usually very attentive to the conversation. I enjoy talking and listening to people I care about. When I develop a close relationship with a person I want them to trust me. I take the good with the bad and try not to judge them. I’m a very loyal and outgoing person and it’s easy for me to make lasting relationships. I truly enjoy people and their diversity. I am considered fun to be around and will easily join into a conversation. I also learn from people. I hope that I have matured enough to learn from those mistakes others have made and not repeat them.

Over my life I have been a member of a number of groups. I have always tried not to let the group define who I am as a person. I choose to be a member of a group because some of the morals and values closely resemble mine. There is significant value to perform as a team. By working together to achieve a goal the team becomes successful. All members of a group bring something of value to achieve the goal. It reminds me of the movie with Tom Hanks, “Apollo 13” where once they discovered there was a problem with the oxygen the astronauts alerted mission control and a team was assembled both in Houston and on the craft to come up with a solution. If it wasn’t for the ideas of the entire group working together the astronauts would not have never made it home alive. In the groups I have been involved with we were taught to use “Tuckman’s Five-Stage Model. Forming, storming, norming, performing and adjourning” (Ally and Bacon, Tuckman’s Five Stage model p. 192) are critical steps for any group to begin their analysis as a team. I frequently had a group facilitator guiding the group through these five stages to achieve a final product. This process works for the formation of new teams but once a group has been together for a while it adds no value to go through each of these steps. Once roles are assigned we begin to brainstorm the problem and go through the steps above. In some of these group assignments I would find myself taking a natural leadership role. Sometimes it was because I watch the team floundering and I would become frustrated and step up and take over or sometimes it was because I have the knowledge and experience to add value as the leader. I possess natural leadership abilities and have been urged to pursue this career path. My supervisors have seen my leadership potential and have begun placing me in more structured leadership roles and classes to further my job opportunities and to continue to grow both professionally and personally. I am considered, fun, loyal, trustworthy, dependable, and energetic. I am very territorial in my personal life. I am typically an easy going person but can become defensive if the situation calls for it. In my participation as a group member I am territorial. Once I am a member of a group I tend to develop a bond with the members. It is that bond I value. I will not hesitate to voice my concerns and protect my group. Sometimes I am too quick to react to a threat and need to take a more fact finding approach. Completing my communication degree will enable me to obtain those needed skills.

My reaction to encroachment on my small personal space depends upon the person and if I like them or not. I like intimacy with people I know. It shows a bonding and companionship that leads to a more developed group. If I don’t know someone and they enter my personal space, my non-verbal signs go shooting out. I will turn my body to deflect any frontal approach. If they get too close, I’ll back up. If I’m with another person I will move around the other person to give myself some space. Hopefully that will be enough to signal they need to be less intrusive on my space. Crowding me also makes me defensive. I’m not as easy to talk to and become guarded.

I truly love being with my family. The bonds that we share are very strong. This was instilled through my parents. My mother lost her parents when she was very young and all her brothers and sisters were sent to some not so nice people. My father was the oldest of four brothers and a sister. His father was killed when he was nine years old. He became the man of the family. Family bonds were very important to both of my parents who wanted to make sure that we all always took care and protected each other. I think that was one of the most important values they passed on to us. As with all kids, my siblings and I fought most of the time, especially with my sister . After a fight if we didn’t make up my parents would put us in a room until we did. To this day when I have arguments with my siblings we always make up. We have learned that we are always going to have differences in opinions and will never agree on everything but we always make up.

After the death of both of my parents, it was my middle brother who became the leader of the clan. My mother always looked to him and my younger sister for assistance after my father passed away, so to me it was a natural progression in the family hierarchy. My older brother and I had moved to other states so we weren’t able to be there all the time for my mom like my brother and sister who had remained it the area. Once my mom died it was assumed by my aunts and uncles that my oldest brother would become the patriarch of the family. This was not the case. There was no real struggle for dominance for this role as my older brother and I knew that my middle brother had naturally become the family patriarch. To this day, my siblings are very close and we all talk about everything. We all visit and vacation with each other and our kids are very close. With today’s technology, it’s very easy to stay in touch with each other. Our bond is stronger than ever just as my parents had planned for us.

Professionally, I am a Contracting Officer for the Department of Defense. My job is to negotiate contracts, schedules and resolve any issues that come up with the government’s acquisition process. I use all the technology available to communicate to my managers, associates and contractors. I write proposals, conduct meetings and develop presentations to various audiences. I participate in staff meetings where we discuss issues involving the organization and provide input to problems and their resolution. As in any organization there those managers that have been at their position for nearly forty years and set in their ways. One of my greatest challenges in dealing with these people is persuading them to incorporate new ideas and changes into the organization. I need to develop techniques that will help me persuade these individuals to accept change as a “good thing”. As sited in Be an Effective Leader, “persuasive leaders will use their personal influence, not coercive means, to help motivate employees.” (2009 p. 14) This is one of the most difficult parts of my job. I’m a self starter and need very little direction. I have a strong desire to be successful in my personal life and my professional life. I am finishing my degree which will allow me to grow in the organization. I am not a person that can stay happy without being challenged.

Through my examination of my own communication skills through my experience in interpersonal, group and organizational environments, I found that I have numerous strengths that allow me to become an accomplished communicator in each of these areas. I have also found through the composition of this paper I have several areas which I need to further develop my skills. One specifically is in the art of persuasion and will use this opportunity to become more successful in my personal and professional life.



References

Sarah Trentholm (2008) Thinking Through Communication an Introduction to the Study
of Human Communication. Boston: Allyn and Bacon

Miller, Gerald R., & Steinberg, Mark. (1975). Between people: A new analysis of
interpersonal communication. Chicago; Science Research Associates.

Allyn and Bacon (2007). Thinking through communication an introduction to the study
of human communication. Boston: Pearson Custom Publishing

Donald Patterson (2009) Be an Effective Leader. Retrieved 15 June, 2009 from
http://proquest.umi.com/