The Interview

Now that I have applied for the job, they called me for an interview. I will explore the types of clothing I need to wear, how to establish rapport with my interviewer, anticipate the types of questions he/she will ask, and deliver appropriate follow up questions. I want to avoid the common mistakes and above all I do not want to show my nervousness. I will explore some techniques to help me.

What should I wear? The first impression is critical. What you wear and how you look really do matter. I want to look powerful and in control, but not more than the person who is conducting the interview. The first step to try to determine what I will wear will be to research the type of company it is and what is their dress code. There’s a big difference in the dress of those that work in a tool and die company as opposed to IBM. Although most companies have changed to business casual attire for daily wear, being in an interview mandates looking your best. A navy blue or grey suit is always a good choice.

“Effective employment interviewing involves preparation and practice. You must acquire knowledge about yourself, about the job, and the employer in which you are interested”. (Shockley-Zalabak, 2009) Remember that they are looking to learn more about you. Be specific with your answers to personal questions. They are looking to see if you are the right fit for their job.

First impressions are important. You want the interviewer to have a personal connection with you. “Look directly and solidly into the interviewer’s eyes and give them your best smile. Make it warm and friendly”. (College.Grad 2009) If they return the smile you have made the connection. This will also ease some of the tension that you may be feeling at this point. If not, how do you control your nervousness?

Above all being prepared and confident in yourself and knowing that you have the skills they are looking for should help you overcome some of your nervousness. Nervousness stems from the fear of the unknown. We want to do our best and impress the interviewer. We want them to like us. One simple technique is the “Rowboat Technique”. “The Rowboat Technique is a simple contraction of the abdomen in combination with rhythmic breathing that allows you to fully overcome your nervousness in any situation. To understand how to use this technique, sit forward in a chair, arms outstretched, as if you are grabbing oars in a rowboat. Take a deep breath, then slowly pull back your arms and contract the abdominal muscle just below the rib cage. As you continue to let out air, roll the contraction of the muscle downward, just above your pelvic region, centering on your navel. Keep your muscles tight until all of the air has been expelled. Count to three (don’t breathe in yet!), then inhale deeply. Repeat this simple process two or three times and you will find that your body is completely relaxed.” (College.Grad 2009)

Now it’s time for the questions. In interviews I have conducted and have participated in I wanted to know what the resume didn’t tell me. People can write anything on a piece of paper but I’m interested in who they are and if they will fit well into our company.

Some typical questions asked are: Tell me about yourself? What are your biggest strengths that will make you successful in this position, and how have they contributed to your past success? What are some areas you seek self-improvement? Why should you be selected for this position? These kinds of questions let me know what kind of person they are and how they will handle challenges. They may also ask questions about how you will resolve conflict and something that will tell them you are a team player. Working well with others is critical. We spend the majority of our time at our jobs and we need to get along with the people we work with.

So now the interviewer offers you the opportunity to ask questions about the job. This is your opportunity to find out if the job is right for you. Ask them about the position, who will you be working for. Do not inquire about salary. It is inappropriate at this point. After you have been offered the job you can discuss salary. You may want to have written your questions out in advance so you are sure to ask them.

What should you avoid doing in an interview? “Not accurately answering the question. Going off on too many tangents or not directly answering a question can make a job candidate appear to be avoiding an issue or give the impression that they do not listen.” (Derammelaer 2006) Turn a negative into a positive. For example when asked a question about “what are your weaknesses” turn those weakness into strengths and turn that question into a positive attribute about yourself.

When the interview is over it’s your last chance to really sell yourself. Thank the interviewer for the opportunity for the job. Let him/her know that you look forward to hearing from them soon. Smile, shake hands and leave.


References

The Personal Connection Technique. (2009).retrieved Aug 20, 2009 from website:
http://www.collegegrad.com/jobsearch/Mastering-the-Interview/

Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009. Fundamentals of organizational communication:
knowledge, sensitivity, skills, values (7th ed.). Boston: Pearson. Education Inc.

Ten common interview mistakes to avoid. (2006. retrieved August 20, 2009, from
Associated Content website:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/23645/ten_common_interview_mistakestoavoid.html

Persuasion, Manipulation and Seduction

Persuasion is an art form use to persuade an audience to change their perception or views of a topic or situation. I call it an art form because not all people can achieve the ability to move a person’s attitude or belief from their current values or situation to what you want them to believe. It is a very difficult skill that one must learn in order to be able to achieve this level of success. But why do it at all? Tough question.

In today’s environment there are so many different communication tools available to people. There are also so many different audiences to tap. During the presidential election campaign they are targeting the voting audience. All those registered voters in the United States of America. They want to get their specific message across to the American people so that they will get elected. How do you do that? You must persuade your audience why you are better than the other guy. What makes you different and why? Why is what you are telling us in the media going to last longer than the vote itself? What is it that you value or need that will make you believe this guy as opposed to his opponent?

“Create a Need. One method of persuasion involves creating a need for an appealing a previously exiting need. This type of persuasion appeals to a person’s fundamental needs for shelter, love, self esteem and self-actualization.” Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009). In the last election there were so many needs. Health Care, the plummeting housing market, and the fact that a Black President would be earth shattering. Not to mention he was well educated and well spoken and looked good. These factors help enable a person to persuade their target audience that they are the right person for the job.

Manipulation, on the other hand is a sad but often used form of communication. I believe it is for those people who are so connected to their families that they can not break away for any reason. No amount of persuasive information will help these people. In some cases this leads to abusive relationships. In this paper I will keep the information a little lighter. According to (yes-to-me.com/2008 Dodging the may forms of psychological manipulation) there are several types of manipulation.

1. Pointing our potential problems – pointing out failure stories they heard somewhere. Sounds realistic, practical and uninspiring. It will point out only the negative aspects of a situation.
2. Direct put-down as a joke – They say something very unnice and when you are feelings are hurt they treat you as naïve. 
3. Count the Blessings you already have – Twisted logic. This I find particularly offensive. When I lost my first son at 7 ½ weeks old people used to try to easy my pain by saying I could have another child. What they didn’t understand is that no person how big or small can ever be replaced. 
4. What is the point? From these people’s perspective the glass is always half empty.

How does one cope with manipulation? I don’t think you can. Your best line of defense is to recognize it is happening and then make your own choice to follow it or not. In my case I chose to ignore it. People don’t always understand want they are saying. In those other cases where they are defiantly trying to manipulate the situation you can try to use your persuasive techniques on them or shut them down. Shutting down the situation can also have sever negative impacts. Especially with family members. The family unit is strong, loyal and won’t tolerate differences in opinions. The family hierarchy limits the views of what the members are allowed to express. If you want to express your own opinions in a family dynamic like this you run the risk of being cut off from the rest of the family. This is a very difficult thing to do.

The art of seductive persuasion. Sex sells and we all know it. People are all attracted to those qualities that we want to posses. For me it’s my teenage body. Yep, never going to happen!! I am truly hopeful that science will find a way! I get sucked into all the diets and beautiful clothes and hair, make-up styles that are advertised. Honestly, they really aren’t all that bad. Making the audience want to feel better about themselves is a good thing. How they go about persuading their audience is another. Those of us with “open eyes” know the reality of what the advertisement has to offer. It doesn’t always work. The flip side of that are those that believe everything you tell them. The creams that you massage into your leg that gets rid of cellulite. Sorry ladies, some of it’s genetic and the rest is age and physical activity. Nothing beautiful comes without some serious discomfort.

The target her are those that believe that the “magic pill” will work and work for them. They will then achieve the perfect man/woman or body or whatever they desire.

According to the ““Three-Types-of-Seduction-Techniques””, the Charm/Flattery/Technique is the most effective way to get a girl.” I believe this goes both ways. A person will flatter and compliment a person from the beginning to offer to take them places and spend a lot of money on them in hopes they will return their favors. As the author states “I believe this is the weakest and least effective seduction techniques that a person can try on another person”. I have to agree, but I have seen it in action on the weak, desperate and yes, I’ll say it, the drunk. Oh my gosh. Bars are a unique venue. Does the work “Cougar” come to mind? I actually didn’t know what that was until my husband told me about it. I’m a little out of touch. Now that I know, watching the shows on cable are pretty entertaining.

One of my friends recently sent me a YouTube clip where a guy was trying to pick up a girl in a bar. She gave him her phone number and he kept calling her and calling her stating what a great catch he was. This was the “Alpha Male” syndrome. His messages to her answering machine were unbelievable. Either she call him at once or he would drop her. Hello, she already dropped him.

Victoria Secret is a perfect example of seduction. They want women to feel good about themselves. Jenny Craig and NutriSystems also promote the seduction of having a great body and making one feel very good about them. The message is that if you feel good about yourself you will feel good about your relationship and want to do more fun things. You’ll meet new people and generally have a very happy life.

There are so many ways to communicate with the outside world now. The media has exploded with information. How we chose to use it and interpret it is up to us. We can get completely sucked in by the external message as they want us to or we can choose to research the topic more and make a more informed decision. For me I prefer the persuasion method. Delivering the true message and having educated people make an informed decision is priceless. I have delivered a successful message that is good for my audience.


References

http://psychology.about.com/od/socialpsychology/a/persuasiontech.htm

Shockley-Zalabak, P.S (2009). Fundamentals of organizational communication:
http://yes-to-me.com/2008/04/25/dodging-the-many-forms-of-psychological-manipulation/

http://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Types-of-Seduction-Techniques&id=237220

Humor and Persuasion

How effective is humor in persuasion? In this paper I will explore why humor is a very effective form of persuasion. If over done it won’t work.


In my every day presentations they often include humor as a relief, an attention grabber and a segue. This keeps the audience engaged and entertained. According to Enzine Articles , “Humor disarms an audience, making them more likely to open up to you. Once your prospects feel comfortable with you, they will be more in tune to your message and more likely to remain attentive”. Presentations are more likely to be listened to when the audience is drawn to the topic through humor. Cartoons seem to be very effective. It creates an atmosphere with the audience that things aren’t as serious as the topic suggests. It creates a break from the intense seriousness of the topic. It give the audience a little laughter and they can relate to the speaker as one of them. “When you leverage the element of humor, any message coming from you receives more weight than on that comes from someone who has not created the audience rapport you have achieved. All People’s minds wander from time t time. Humor not only reels them back in but it also reenergizes their soul”.

People expect to be entertained when they are being addressed. They want the message to be given to them in a form that they can understand. Humor draws the audience in to the speaker and makes them more creditable. Once the audience believes in what the speaker is telling them they can be persuaded to the side the message is giving them. The speaker is more believable and likable when humor is applied.

Cartoons are an effective form of humor. Far Side cartoons, Dilbert cartoons and other well known cartoons. They lift a very boring topic to something fun and worth listening. Even after lunch.

The speaker has to grab his audience in order to get their attention and to persuade them to his/her way of thinking. If the cartoon is a little off color the audience will not like you as a speaker and the message you are attempting to send will be lost.

• Humor during your Presentation.
• Eases Emotional Pain
• Creates a Positive Environment
• Generates Interest in what you are saying
• Helps your listeners sense your goodwill
• Increases Participation
• Make difficult topics more accessible
• Bring needed entertainment
• Strike an emotional chord

Humor will help you do the following with your audience..

•  Ease their tension
• Put them in a good mood
• Disarm them
• Maintain their attention
• Enhance their receptivity

Humor will help you:

• Increase your likeability
• Establish rapport
• Increase people’s trust in you
• Enhance our image
• Strengthen your relationships
• Boost your own confidence” (Increasing Persuasion with Humor 11-08-2009)

There are in some cases where humor would not be appropriate. A case where there was a loss of life would be an example. Funeral homes would not find the use of humor to be something that they would want to use to encourage people to use their services. Humor in this case would lead the target audience to believe that they weren’t sensitive to their needs. There is nothing funny about the death of a loved one. Serving in the armed forces would be another instance where the use of humor would not be appropriate. Leaving your home and family behind is a very stressful situation and there is a chance that returning alive and just as you left your home is slim. This would be no joking matter. Using humor in these situations would turn an audience off and your message would not be well received. It could have the exact opposite effect. The audience that say your message would in turn talk to their friends and associates and relay that message and therefore have a larger negative impact than what was initially planned.

Using the Bait and Switch in a funeral home situation would be very effective but highly unethical. Luring the grieving family in and pitching your products under the guise that you are there to help them while knowing you are going to charge them more at their weakest moment is horrible. You would not use humor in any aspect of this situation when applying this technique.

Another technique would be the foot in the door. You have the most vulnerable of people at your door looking for help and compassion. This is a prime area to sell this person more than what they were wanting because that’s what their loved one would have wanted. Unfortunately when my father passed away the funeral home we were dealing with tried this technique with us. They had the unfortunate experience of dealing with one of my brothers with the least amount of patience who immediately told them his rights and how they would be reported to the proper authorities in this matter. The person was fired the next week.

Humor in the proper situation is a welcome relief and can be an added tool to make the speakers credibility more valuable. It has a proper place and time to be used. In very serious situations the use of humor to persuade an audience must be evaluated and used in a very limited situation. If use incorrectly, it can backfire on the speaker and they would not want to have any dealings with this person or their company.


References

http://www.jstor.org/pss/2786391

http://ezinearticles.com/?Increasing-Persuasion-with-Humor&id=259310

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11506049

http://ezinearticles.com/?Thats-Funny---The-Use-of-Humor-in-Persuasion&id=1222182

Win-Win Negotiations

In the past with every negotiation conducted there was a winner and a loser. In this discussion the win-win negotiation process, styles and benefits will be identified and discussed for the corporate and parenting environments. In today’s world it is important that negotiation goals are set and achieved for all parties. Negotiators can no longer operate with only considering their personal self interests. Negotiations have evolved to include the interests of both parties and thereby promoting a cooperative, long-term working relationship.

The information contained in this discussion was obtained through scholarly sources, web site information and interviews from current negotiators/parents.


“Negotiation is the process in which two or more parties attempt to settle disputes, reach agreements about courses of action, and bargain for an individual or collective advantage.” (Cameron, Wilcox, Reber and Shin.2008, p 186) The process can become long and sometimes hostile therefore a professional negotiator is recommended. “By agreeing to negotiate, people are agreeing (1) to engage in a conflict by confronting others rather than avoiding it and (2) to try to find an outcome that is mutually acceptable to all those involved in the conflict by exploring various options in the conflict.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007, p 117)
Negotiators are specially trained professionals who can act on behalf of their companies or on behalf of themselves. To be a good negotiator the following skills would be useful.
• Good Communication skills “In a survey of 480 companies and public organizations by the National Association of Colleges and Employers, the ability to communicate ranked first among personal qualities of college graduates sought by employers. (Roebuck, 2006, p. 8-9)

• Be flexible

• Know and understand your beliefs and values so you can acknowledge those differences in your opponent

• Try to determine if your opponent’s past history has a part in this negotiation and try to persuade him to stay in the present and be able to see the future.

• Be able to recognize when it’s time to break and regroup to consider your options

• Know what you want

• Seek win-win negotiations

There are several ways to begin a successful win-win negotiation. “One view of negotiation involves three basic elements: process, behavior and substance. The process refers to how the parties negotiate: the context of the negotiations, the parties to the negotiations, the tactics used by the parties, and the sequence and stages in which all of these play out. Behavior refers to the relationships among these parties, the communication between them and the styles they adopt. The substance refers to what the parties negotiate over: the agenda, the issues (positions and – more helpfully – interests), the options and the agreement(s) reached at the end.

Another view of negotiation comprises 4 elements: strategy, process and tools, and tactics. Strategy comprises the top-level goals – typically including relationship and the final outcome. Processes and tools include the steps that will be followed and the roles taken in both preparing for and negotiating with the other parties. Tactics include more detailed statements and actions and responses to others’ statements and actions. Some add to this persuasion and influence, asserting that these have become integral to modern day negotiation success, and so should not be omitted ” (Negotiation Wikipedia. 2010)

In preparation for any negotiation develop a checklist to make sure you cover your position. The following is a recommended checklist.

1. Know what you want and what you don’t want. Write down in detail what you want and don’t want from the negotiation. Make it focused and precise.

2. Know what your opponent wants and doesn’t want. This can be a difficult step but knowing your opponent’s goals and objectives will help you understand their position.

3. Know what concessions you are willing to give. What are your must haves? What can you live without? This is the point of a successful win-win negotiation.

4. Know your alternatives if there are any. Can you go somewhere else and get what you want or is it sole source?

5. Know your subject. Research is key to knowing what it is that you are negotiating. Anticipate questions that your opponent can use in order to weaken your position.

6. Rehearse. Body language and confidence in a face-to-face negotiation are critical to your desired out come. You only have one chance to make a first impression.

Win-Win negotiations are when both parties get what they want from a negotiation. This applies to business or at home. It’s when each party looks out solely for their own interests that there is conflict. One happy party and one dissatisfied party. In both the corporate and parenting world negotiations with a company or family member will ultimately require future negotiations. If there are hard feelings from past negotiations it will have a direct impact on the outcome next time. Some of the benefits of a win-win negotiation are:

• Both sides have their goals met

• There is no reason to have hostile negotiations if each team’s objective is to help each other reach their goal

• No need for confrontations

• Collaboration leads to good long term relationships

As a parent win-win negotiations are not always possible but should be the first and primary negotiation objective. A good example of a successful parenting negotiation was a commercial running on television with a mother and her two sons. They were fighting over a sandwich. Mom said, “ok Timmy (who appeared to be the oldest) you cut the sandwich in half.” Timmy was thrilled because it appeared as if he was going to be successful in getting the better half. So Timmy cut the sandwich in half. There was a big side and a small side. Then mom looked at her son Johnny and said “Johnny, you may choose the half you want.” This lesson demonstrated that a child has one view of things and that’s to win. As children get older they learn the importance of thinking of others. But until this lesson is learned parent through win-win negotiation will influence their future decisions. Communication is very important between a parent and child especially when they don’t see eye to eye.

My husband and I have taught my daughter Meghan, the importance of win-win negotiations. However; she should always remember there are some decisions that we are going to make that are not negotiable. So now when she comes to us wanting something she knows that we aren’t going to want to do: she begins her presentation by telling us the situation and why she should be able to do it. She also identifies the benefit we will receive if we allow her to do it. This can be a pretty amusing negotiation when the benefit to us is really her benefit. What is important is that she is demonstrating to us that she is mature enough to develop a well-defined position and present it to us. I appreciate her more for trying to work with us so that we all win.
Some parents will negotiate with their children in order for them to work hard in school and get good grades. In these situations the children win by receiving money or some other sort of reward and the parent wins because their child receives a good grade. Parents also use this technique when leaving their child with a baby sitter or when their child doesn’t want them to leave for a night out. The parent will say, “if you’re good I’ll bring you home a toy” and the child is thrilled and will comply with the request to be good. Although these are win-win negotiations with small children the reward method (in my opinion) sends out the wrong message. Getting good grades in school and good behavior are to be expected but when this can’t be accomplished then win-win negotiations are a must. This will avoid the screaming matches and the stress both parent and child will feel in a win-lose negotiation.

In my line of work we frequently negotiate cost proposals, delivery extensions and engineering change proposals. Cost proposals are when the government solicits companies to do specific work. Normally, we define this work with a Statement of Work (SOW). We then asked a company to provide us a proposal of how much this effort will cost and when they can accomplish the work. Once this proposal is received the government negotiators will analyze it using experts in the accounting field, pricing field and engineering field. Once the government’s research is completed they develop what is called a pre-negotiation position. A time and date for negotiations are set and each side, contractor and government, will decide how to proceed with negotiations. If it’s something big or complicated then face-to-face negotiations are required. Each team brings their experts together in a room to work out the details of cost and delivery. In some cases there is only one contractor who can make this product that we want to buy so the likely hood of an alternate source has been eliminated. This is called sole source negotiations. In this case win-win negotiations work the best. Each side begins by identifying where their biggest differences are and work down to the smallest issue until they come to a win-win agreement.

Negotiation tactics have evolved to those resulting in compromise. I believe it should always be the primary goal of both parties to enable negotiations to be successful. This type of negotiation is called Cooperative negotiation. “Cooperative Negotiation works best when the parties trust each other and the situation is one where mutually satisfactory outcomes are possible even though the parties may not know that at the outset.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007 p 119)

As seen below I interviewed three of my colleagues who have years of contract negotiation experience and are all parents to see if they use the same or similar techniques in their professional life and their family life. All agreed that the communication skills that they use at work when negotiating with contractors are the same they use on their family members except tweaked a little depending on the situation. In this interview it was unanimous that all parents want the best for their kids. I believe that to be the same in the business environment as well. No one gets enjoyment by deliberately causing conflict in any environment. All interviewed believe that to have a successful negotiation it should be win-win.
Table 1-Interview Results

In conclusion, in today’s environment there is no benefit to continue the archaic business practice of winner and loser in a negotiation. Win-Win negotiations enable the parties to have a mutual respect for each other and will continue to have a long lasting working relationship. This also applies to parents. Full and open communication enables parents and children to talk to one another about important issues that concern both of them. Sometimes their objective is the same but their goals on how they get there are different. It’s those times that both parties must listen and be flexible in their priorities and negotiate their goals. Negotiations are something we do every single day of our lives and we don’t even realize it. It can be as minor as deciding on where to go to lunch and as big as a billion dollar project. We all must keep in mind what makes us good negotiators and remember that it’s not always about me.


Roebuck, D.B. (2006). Improving business communication skills (4th Ed.). Upper Saddle River,
New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Cameron, Wilcox, reber and Shin. (2008) Public Relations Today (1st ed.). Pearson Education,
Inc: Allyn and Bacon.

Lyndsay Swinton, Management for the rest of us. (retrieved May 2010)
http://www.mftrou.com/win-win-negotiation.html

Wikipedia, Negotiation. (retrieved May 2010) http://en.wikipedia.ort/wiki/Negotation

Ezine Articles. (retrieved May 2010)
http://ezinearticles.com/?Six-Steps-For-Negotiation-Preparation&id=413338

Cahn and Abigail. (2007) Managing Conflict through Communication. (3rd ed.) Pearson
Education Inc: Allyn and Bacon.

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