The information contained in this discussion was obtained through scholarly sources, web site information and interviews from current negotiators/parents.
“Negotiation is the process in which two or more parties attempt to settle disputes, reach agreements about courses of action, and bargain for an individual or collective advantage.” (Cameron, Wilcox, Reber and Shin.2008, p 186) The process can become long and sometimes hostile therefore a professional negotiator is recommended. “By agreeing to negotiate, people are agreeing (1) to engage in a conflict by confronting others rather than avoiding it and (2) to try to find an outcome that is mutually acceptable to all those involved in the conflict by exploring various options in the conflict.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007, p 117)
Negotiators are specially trained professionals who can act on behalf of their companies or on behalf of themselves. To be a good negotiator the following skills would be useful.
• Good Communication skills “In a survey of 480 companies and public organizations by the National Association of Colleges and Employers, the ability to communicate ranked first among personal qualities of college graduates sought by employers. (Roebuck, 2006, p. 8-9)
• Be flexible
• Know and understand your beliefs and values so you can acknowledge those differences in your opponent
• Try to determine if your opponent’s past history has a part in this negotiation and try to persuade him to stay in the present and be able to see the future.
• Be able to recognize when it’s time to break and regroup to consider your options
• Know what you want
• Seek win-win negotiations
There are several ways to begin a successful win-win negotiation. “One view of negotiation involves three basic elements: process, behavior and substance. The process refers to how the parties negotiate: the context of the negotiations, the parties to the negotiations, the tactics used by the parties, and the sequence and stages in which all of these play out. Behavior refers to the relationships among these parties, the communication between them and the styles they adopt. The substance refers to what the parties negotiate over: the agenda, the issues (positions and – more helpfully – interests), the options and the agreement(s) reached at the end.
Another view of negotiation comprises 4 elements: strategy, process and tools, and tactics. Strategy comprises the top-level goals – typically including relationship and the final outcome. Processes and tools include the steps that will be followed and the roles taken in both preparing for and negotiating with the other parties. Tactics include more detailed statements and actions and responses to others’ statements and actions. Some add to this persuasion and influence, asserting that these have become integral to modern day negotiation success, and so should not be omitted ” (Negotiation Wikipedia. 2010)
In preparation for any negotiation develop a checklist to make sure you cover your position. The following is a recommended checklist.
1. Know what you want and what you don’t want. Write down in detail what you want and don’t want from the negotiation. Make it focused and precise.
2. Know what your opponent wants and doesn’t want. This can be a difficult step but knowing your opponent’s goals and objectives will help you understand their position.
3. Know what concessions you are willing to give. What are your must haves? What can you live without? This is the point of a successful win-win negotiation.
4. Know your alternatives if there are any. Can you go somewhere else and get what you want or is it sole source?
5. Know your subject. Research is key to knowing what it is that you are negotiating. Anticipate questions that your opponent can use in order to weaken your position.
6. Rehearse. Body language and confidence in a face-to-face negotiation are critical to your desired out come. You only have one chance to make a first impression.
Win-Win negotiations are when both parties get what they want from a negotiation. This applies to business or at home. It’s when each party looks out solely for their own interests that there is conflict. One happy party and one dissatisfied party. In both the corporate and parenting world negotiations with a company or family member will ultimately require future negotiations. If there are hard feelings from past negotiations it will have a direct impact on the outcome next time. Some of the benefits of a win-win negotiation are:
• Both sides have their goals met
• There is no reason to have hostile negotiations if each team’s objective is to help each other reach their goal
• No need for confrontations
• Collaboration leads to good long term relationships
As a parent win-win negotiations are not always possible but should be the first and primary negotiation objective. A good example of a successful parenting negotiation was a commercial running on television with a mother and her two sons. They were fighting over a sandwich. Mom said, “ok Timmy (who appeared to be the oldest) you cut the sandwich in half.” Timmy was thrilled because it appeared as if he was going to be successful in getting the better half. So Timmy cut the sandwich in half. There was a big side and a small side. Then mom looked at her son Johnny and said “Johnny, you may choose the half you want.” This lesson demonstrated that a child has one view of things and that’s to win. As children get older they learn the importance of thinking of others. But until this lesson is learned parent through win-win negotiation will influence their future decisions. Communication is very important between a parent and child especially when they don’t see eye to eye.
My husband and I have taught my daughter Meghan, the importance of win-win negotiations. However; she should always remember there are some decisions that we are going to make that are not negotiable. So now when she comes to us wanting something she knows that we aren’t going to want to do: she begins her presentation by telling us the situation and why she should be able to do it. She also identifies the benefit we will receive if we allow her to do it. This can be a pretty amusing negotiation when the benefit to us is really her benefit. What is important is that she is demonstrating to us that she is mature enough to develop a well-defined position and present it to us. I appreciate her more for trying to work with us so that we all win.
Some parents will negotiate with their children in order for them to work hard in school and get good grades. In these situations the children win by receiving money or some other sort of reward and the parent wins because their child receives a good grade. Parents also use this technique when leaving their child with a baby sitter or when their child doesn’t want them to leave for a night out. The parent will say, “if you’re good I’ll bring you home a toy” and the child is thrilled and will comply with the request to be good. Although these are win-win negotiations with small children the reward method (in my opinion) sends out the wrong message. Getting good grades in school and good behavior are to be expected but when this can’t be accomplished then win-win negotiations are a must. This will avoid the screaming matches and the stress both parent and child will feel in a win-lose negotiation.
In my line of work we frequently negotiate cost proposals, delivery extensions and engineering change proposals. Cost proposals are when the government solicits companies to do specific work. Normally, we define this work with a Statement of Work (SOW). We then asked a company to provide us a proposal of how much this effort will cost and when they can accomplish the work. Once this proposal is received the government negotiators will analyze it using experts in the accounting field, pricing field and engineering field. Once the government’s research is completed they develop what is called a pre-negotiation position. A time and date for negotiations are set and each side, contractor and government, will decide how to proceed with negotiations. If it’s something big or complicated then face-to-face negotiations are required. Each team brings their experts together in a room to work out the details of cost and delivery. In some cases there is only one contractor who can make this product that we want to buy so the likely hood of an alternate source has been eliminated. This is called sole source negotiations. In this case win-win negotiations work the best. Each side begins by identifying where their biggest differences are and work down to the smallest issue until they come to a win-win agreement.
Negotiation tactics have evolved to those resulting in compromise. I believe it should always be the primary goal of both parties to enable negotiations to be successful. This type of negotiation is called Cooperative negotiation. “Cooperative Negotiation works best when the parties trust each other and the situation is one where mutually satisfactory outcomes are possible even though the parties may not know that at the outset.” (Cahn and Abigail. 2007 p 119)
As seen below I interviewed three of my colleagues who have years of contract negotiation experience and are all parents to see if they use the same or similar techniques in their professional life and their family life. All agreed that the communication skills that they use at work when negotiating with contractors are the same they use on their family members except tweaked a little depending on the situation. In this interview it was unanimous that all parents want the best for their kids. I believe that to be the same in the business environment as well. No one gets enjoyment by deliberately causing conflict in any environment. All interviewed believe that to have a successful negotiation it should be win-win.
Table 1-Interview Results
In conclusion, in today’s environment there is no benefit to continue the archaic business practice of winner and loser in a negotiation. Win-Win negotiations enable the parties to have a mutual respect for each other and will continue to have a long lasting working relationship. This also applies to parents. Full and open communication enables parents and children to talk to one another about important issues that concern both of them. Sometimes their objective is the same but their goals on how they get there are different. It’s those times that both parties must listen and be flexible in their priorities and negotiate their goals. Negotiations are something we do every single day of our lives and we don’t even realize it. It can be as minor as deciding on where to go to lunch and as big as a billion dollar project. We all must keep in mind what makes us good negotiators and remember that it’s not always about me.
Roebuck, D.B. (2006). Improving business communication skills (4th Ed.). Upper Saddle River,
New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall.
Cameron, Wilcox, reber and Shin. (2008) Public Relations Today (1st ed.). Pearson Education,
Inc: Allyn and Bacon.
Lyndsay Swinton, Management for the rest of us. (retrieved May 2010)
http://www.mftrou.com/win-win-negotiation.html
Wikipedia, Negotiation. (retrieved May 2010) http://en.wikipedia.ort/wiki/Negotation
Ezine Articles. (retrieved May 2010)
http://ezinearticles.com/?Six-Steps-For-Negotiation-Preparation&id=413338
Cahn and Abigail. (2007) Managing Conflict through Communication. (3rd ed.) Pearson
Education Inc: Allyn and Bacon.
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